What Ella does understand, Tom and I have come have to learn, is whatever we communicate through our eyes! What we are thinking and feeling is conveyed through our eyes. She looks to them for comfort, for understanding, to learn and to know she is not being a "bad girl" but that she is loved no matter what seems to be going on. Our eyes can say all of this. How we respond verbally and through touch, is secondary to what we see and think. Bringing awareness to the learning that is happening within, enables the thoughts of wanting to react or judge, to leave our perception And whats left is a calm observing of everything that is taking place, with an ability to check in to see whats the most helpful response, and do so with a presence and intent behind you.
When I get down to Ella's level and speak to her like she understands me, with all the patience, love and simplicity I can give, she hears me. You can see it. The click happens, the release happens inside her mind to let her self settle down and join me in the peace, where everything is all okay.
When we take on this role of parents, we are learning how to be parents. There is no manual, there is no specific "way" to follow. Each child is different and has different needs. I feel a key part in being the best parents we can be, is taking ourselves off the hook for the mistakes we might make. Be patient not only with our kids, but in our own learning process. When we are gentle and kind towards us, we can find the rest and the relaxation needed to fully come back to who we we are, take a breath, and give only loving actions, thoughts, and guidance. We dont mean to respond in anger or frustration or any other emotion, and if we do, we are forgiven for it. We can try again, applying a new idea, a new way the next time.
Our children help to bring up the unhealed parts of ourselves, so that we can heal it all. We are here to be the courageous parents they need us to be; and the most courageous thing we can do, is look into our own hearts and minds for improvement, forgiveness and growth. We are not trying to be the best of the best parents or providers, we are to be better and more kinder and peaceful then we were yesterday. There is no compeition in this process, there is only loving and learning and laughing at mistakes instead of condeming ourselves for them. There is another way and this way can be learned. Grateful that it is so. #PeacefulParenting #ConsciousParenting #Loveistheway #Forgivenweareofeverything